So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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