I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
