This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
