I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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