God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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