I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
