if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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