I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
