when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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