Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
