So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
