Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
