Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
