i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
