when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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