Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i scared a bird with my dick
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She told me I should be a condom model.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Mom said you looked used
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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