it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
