i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
