tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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