we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
