I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
