Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
