Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
