I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
