i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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