I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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