She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
