She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
