that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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