My Higher Power is John Stamos
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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