I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
