lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
