ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
