Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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