I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
