I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
