I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I CAN MOONWALK!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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