I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
