im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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