Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
