went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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