Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
