I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
