I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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