you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
