Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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