i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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