Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
