Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
