I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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