ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
