put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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