There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
