i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
