She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found puke in my bra..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
