And the cops told us we were all naked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
