How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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