Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
