wanna go halves on a baby?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Farmville is her only friend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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