he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
