just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
