My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
