he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
