The brown eye won't let me do that either.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
