Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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