please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
