why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
