i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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