Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
