He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
