Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
