why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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