Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
