Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i drank out of a bidet.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
