my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
