He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
