wanna go halves on a baby?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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